This may be one of the most politically incorrect blogs written by a woman over 50. It has just become unbearable having to put up with a woman that delights in making life miserable for anyone in her husband's family. If Carolyn, the step-monster, had come into the family wanting to accept his parents, children, grand children and siblings things may have been very different. We will never know. She began the marriage with a greediness that was palatable. She acknowledged Christmas the first two years. Only the grand children, but that was fine with my sister and myself. The 4 grandchildren were in elementary and middle school. The third Christmas of their marriage, the kids were totally ignored. Bad for our daddy and Carolyn I admit. Even though this was the first year that our daddy had ignored Christmas for us. She tells others all the wonderful things she got her two grown kids. After that I gave up on her and just accepted her as my father's wife, nothing more and nothing less. I must also admit she is his 4th wife so it has been very easy to ignore and not become to familiar with her. I might sound like a spoiled child, but it covers so much more than being slighted by a step mother.
When she married my father he was a healthy, mentally alert, 59 year old man. He was very financially secure and had total control over his life. Now he is a 74 year old terminally ill man ravaged by Parkinson's and Frontal Lobe Dementia. When he was well they had very separate monies. He had been burned by wife #3 and protected himself legally during this marriage. When he first became ill he had already set everything up the way he wanted it. He had set up a Power of Attorney, a Power of Medical Decisions giving both myself and my sister dual control over his person and his business affairs. My father was getting very noticeably worse and the step monster wanted to put him in a nursing home. She had no idea we had the papers to make these decisions. When she brought up the fact that she was going to put him in a nursing home my sister informed her that she could not do that. She became furious, contacted lawyers, took my father, after threatening him with abandonment, to a lawyer to change all of his paper work. His dementia had started to effect the things he believed, the things he heard and even the things he saw. A doctor in Dallas Texas had advised them both the year before that he had dementia and was advised not to drive. The step-monster was very aware that he was not mentally able to make these decisions. She told no one of this doctor and we couldn't because the power of attorney was already signed when we found out. His family physician told the lawyer that our father was competent, even though we all knew he was having hallucinations. We were given no warning of course and were not able to bring these things to any ones attention. She now has total control of his health, his property, his finances and his home. My sister has filed lawsuits against her and we have been able to have some say over his medical care. The judge has decided that it's up to my sister how he will be taken care of until he leaves us. He has round the clock care at his home and you would have thought the world came to an end for Carolyn. It is very costly and it was like pulling teeth to get her to hire competent people to take care of him. She could not understand why we would want to spend so much money taking care of our father. Now that Hospice is involved we finally have 3 very wonderful people that take care of him.
Then she gathered herself and has given parties at my fathers home while he lays bedridden in the bedroom. On his birthday she invited people over for a party. She paraded them through the bedroom. This would have unbearable for my father. He is a very private man and for people to see him in this condition would destroy him if he could remember. Not one family member was invited. She has spent horrible amounts of money on her children, grand child and herself. She has even put up his $250,000 house for collateral for a $5000 above ground swimming pool for her grand daughter. We have had to dig for this stuff, but we have the papers that she signed saying she owned this house. Her name is not on the title and it is not hers even by marriage ! She did not buy food for him and the caregivers were bringing food for him to eat. When my sister found this out we were humiliated and my sister started buying food and taking it to the house when she visited. We told everyone we could but nothing has been done yet! Last month she bought a very expensive recliner for daddy. He has been unable to get out of bed for almost 5 months and she bought a recliner for HIM! There is something every single day. That is no exaggeration. She also bought an $1800 side-by-side refrigerator for the garage, for our daddy's drinks! And she keeps getting away with this stuff. New outdoor furniture for daddy to enjoy sitting outside. He can't...and it's not denial. She has a plan. She thinks she has everything going for her, but she's fixing to hit a wall. My sister's lawyer is also a CPA and will be going over the special account for daddy. The woman may have to reimburse a least one account. We have found she has at least 4 and possibly 5 separate banking accounts. She has one job and our father receives his social security check. Think she's hiding money? You bet she is hiding something. She has frightened our father by her threats and we know this because he finally told us a couple of months ago before he became completely incapacitated. It's truly sad how this can happen to someone that knew she was capable of this and thought he had everything covered. He worried about this for months when his thoughts were clear. This is a horrible example of getting no help from our Department of Human Services and other agencies that are supposed to watch over elderly people. Children have no rights if your parents are married. No matter the circumstances or the fact that things are truly being handled illegally. We have to stand by and watch and it's beyond horrible.
This blog will be my way of spouting off and if you have opinions or ideas feel free to comment.
